Pain and Enlightenment

Pain is a major problem for anyone with faith.  Be it a question of their own pain and why it is necessary or another persons, or another person questioning why their pain is necessary.  All of our lives are tinted around the edges by pain, and if we’re honest with ourselves most of us resent it at some point.  Pain is a nuisance at it’s best and devastating at it’s worst.  It makes a good day have a bitter aftertaste or a bad day ruinous.  Yet the farther along I get in my own life, the more I realize how necessary pain is.  This has never been more clear than it has been since my children grew old enough to really fight.

When I say “since my kids learned how to fight” I don’t just mean verbal squabbles, although those can be noticeably painful for everyone involved.  What I’m talking about are knock-down, drag-out fistfights.  The fights usually start over something that seems completely irrational to fight about.  “I want a baby brother named Peter Parker”, my son says.  “I want a baby sister named Diana Tinkerbell”, my daughter says.  Before I can even open my mouth to point out that God is going to have to intervene miraculously for either of them to get their way (which they are confident He will, as both have prayed about it) they are on each other  like some sort of feral animals.  At that point, pain is inevitable.  They are 3 and 5 respectively, so their little fists can’t do much damage.  But they are also small and prone to falling or just kicking wildly when cornered, so based off of the places these fights normally happen (while seated at the table, on the couch, or in bed) someone is bound to get hurt.  Even if my husband and
I can gain the power of flight to get to them before things escalate, there will be time outs and the forcible holding of squirmy children in place to explain the consequences of their actions.

Someone is going to end up crying.

And here is the thing:  that’s not bad.  It’s not bad that my kids fight.  It’s good that they are developing their individual personalities, and the wholeness and bond that they once shared when younger is dissolving so that they recognize that they are two seperate people with two seperate sets of needs.  If this never happened, they would never be able to live a well adjusted life as adults.  The way in which they fight is bad, but they are kids and they have yet to realize their own capacity for causing pain.  In order for a child to learn the consequences of his or her actions,he or she has to act in the first place.

That is why pain is a necessary part of enlightenment- if there were no pain, there would be no reason to absorb life’s lessons.  We would never learn to grow or evolve.  We would contentedly breeze through our lives as if whatever we grasp today is right and good, as if our own actions are perfect because they are ours, and as if the needs of others mean nothing because there is no consequence to selfishness.

As my children realize the inevitable consequences of fighting, this temporary phase will quiet down.  They are intelligent beings who will surely recognize that no good comes out of violence.  That particular kind of pain is avoidable by ceasing the actions that cause it.  (This is what I tell myself, although my mother laughs and says that my brothers and I didn’t stop until we’d all moved out of the house.  She must be joking.)  And as we deal with our own pain, we will inevitably learn lessons as a result that lead to more enlightenment.  Whether it be the pain of a poorly chosen relationship, the pain of a sudden illness, the pain of a loved one passing, or the everyday pains that haunt each of us in the home and work place; there are valuable lessons to be learned.  We learn to recognize patterns inside ourselves that lead to destruction.  We learn to care for our bodies and treat them like the fragile gifts they are.  We learn to embrace life passionately while it is here and remember it fondly when it passes.  We learn to set aside our pain and sorrow and hold on to things that give us hope.  We learn compassion.  All of these lessons are good and necessary, and  rather than resenting the pain that leads to them we would be better served by viewing that pain as a tool.

One might read this little ponderance and say that I must have forgone my Christianity for some kind of mysticism.  Perhaps, in a way.  I would be lying if I didn’t say my respect for Buddhism sometimes colors my faith.  Yet I don’t think that is entirely what’s going on here.  After all:

Romans 5:1-5

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

For the time being, I have given up wishing people nice days.  I think it’s more honest to wish them a day that moves them forward on their journey- however that may be achieved.  Life doesn’t need to be “nice” to be beautiful.