Most Christians have had this experience. They are going through a hard time. Perhaps they’ve just been diagnosed with a chronic illness, or a family member is dying, or they have suddenly lost a job, or they are feeling like their life is in limbo… When another well-meaning Christian puts a hand on their shoulder and says with conviction:

“Take heart. God is in control.”

How true is that statement, really? The Bible seems to tell conflicting tales. The Israelites went through extraordinary periods of being in God’s grace and out of it, from persecution to exile to return to God’s promise to exile to persecution to return, and the Old Testament blames this cycle not on God’s lack of power but the fickle hearts of the Israelites themselves. Thus causing Christians in this day and age to often blame the struggles we face on either our own fickleness or the sins of our forefathers.

Is that fair?

The New Testament also tells the story of the man blind from birth. When asked whose sin resulted in the mans blindness, Christ replied that it was so that God’s glory could be shown. Which causes Christians in this day to ask, “am I being tried for my sins or is this simply to show God’s glory?”

Is THAT fair?

There’s also the fallen nature of our world. In the Old Testament when Adam and Eve were cast out of the garden, not only were they and their offspring cursed, but the labor of their hands and the fruit of the earth and even the insects and animals were cursed. Which causes Christians to ask, “am I simply a victim of the fallen nature of this planet?”

What is true? Is God in control, and do we shun his control with our own hard hearts? Is he in control and he allows us to suffer to later demonstrate his glory? Is the world simply still under the curse of sin and death, and we are victims of it?

Wait… there’s Christ, right, so the curse is broken, isn’t it? Well, it may be broken for you and I but not the entire planet- right? God’s Kingdom hasn’t come, has it?

But we are here, we are faithful, we are bringing the Kingdom… so isn’t God in control?

And the logic circles onward, and the logic circles inward, and like at the end of CS Lewis’s The Last Battle we must answer the call to follow further up and further in. All I know is that I trust my own heart and life are in God’s hands, and he is as in control of my own faith as much as I will allow him to be. And I do have hope, as foolish and pointless as it may be, I still have hope. I believe that I will see God’s love in my life, I believe that as bleak and hopeless as it all may seem I will experience joy. I believe it because I have seen God’s faithfulness in my own life. Not that my life has been “blessed” or “fortuitous”, far from it. But has God been there? Without a doubt.

Was God in Control?

I don’t know. But he was there.

So next time you feel the urge to extend a hand of comfort, next time you feel the religious conviction in your voice, pause for a moment and pick your words with care. Perhaps we shouldn’t throw out the words “God is in control” so carelessly. Instead, I choose to say,

God is with you. So am I.

I found this on another blog, and it made me LOL in my pants.  Is it morally squishy?  Yes.  Morally reprehensible?  Possibly.  Is it ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS? Oh, most definitely!

Want to fight back against bulk mailers that put spam in your mail box?  (And by that I mean your postal mail box, you know, the physical one outside your doorway, the one that mostly gives you Papa John coupons and dental ads?)  Just mail them a brick.  Or a nice bit of cement.  Or an old blender.  Or packed shredded newspaper.

They will have to pay for it!

And the best thing?  This creates jobs for good, hardworking folks!  How perfect is that?

Complete info here.

Today I was listening to the radio when an odd guest came on- the leader of the KKK.  Unfortunately I didn’t get to hear most of the interview because it was lunchtime, and thus I was distracted with the kids and getting food on the table and making the day continue to run smoothly.

Yet, as in all times when my body is involved in routine movements, my mind disengaged enough that I started down this line of thought.  I thought, first, of a few days ago when in a conversation with my father he mentioned that the welfare system has “destroyed black society”, a statement which seemed so empirical as to give me no reply.  I don’t like entering into a debate in which I feel crippled by my own lack of information, so at the time I said nothing.

But my irritation with the statement hasn’t faded over time.  For one, the statement seems incomplete.  He meant “black society in America” and it’s obvious given the context in which it was made, but even so…  I think that people too often assume that the whole of the “black experience” (another phrase I find irritating) hinges on the black experience in America. That and they too often say “black society” when they truly mean the inner city- two things that are wildly different.  Not all black people live in the inner city and not everyone in the inner city is black.  So let’s please keep those things separate.

That isn’t the whole of my irritation.  The implications as well as the overall lack of information they portray is what truly gets to me.  So lets, just for “fun” (by “fun” I mean sorrow inducing meditation, but whatever…) go over the history of the “black experience” in America.  First, black people are brought over on slave ships to be exposed to conditions worse than what we put cattle through.  They are worked to the bone, beaten and raped, subjugated, barred from learning basic skills, starved, and have I mentioned the beatings and raped?  Women would stand up to defend a stray dog being stoned in the street, but not a black man.

When the obvious injustice of this treatment was recognized and black people were given personhood- and note, by personhood I literally mean being identified as people- what were they given to correct this injustice?  These people, battered and beaten, barred from ever having so much as learned to write their names, were given a donkey, some papers and some land.  How were they expected to start to mete out a living?  And do you think their neighbors, the people who had been beating and raping them a year previous, would give them a pittance of help?  Do you imagine they were given years of free tutelage, invited over for dinners, loaned seed crop?  Perhaps some of them were, but for the most part I am not surprised by the fact that they banded together in shared misery and poverty, desperately trying to make the most of their meager circumstances.  At least they had their freedom.

But look at their situation honestly- these black communities are desperate and impoverished.  They have little more than the clothes on their backs.  They are surrounded by white people who have inherited wealth and circumstance.  Even the poor bakers and blacksmiths have inherited their trade- they have something to build wealth on.  Black people have a mule and the derision of the white people who still, at that point, felt that something had been stolen from them.

That divide has yet to be closed.  I refuse to believe it.  One can say that the white people in America built what they had from nothing- but those people came into the states with their health, their determination, their personhoood, their education- whereas the blacks were starting at less than zero.  It is incredible that they were given as much as they were, considering the bitterness on the part of the south, but even so…

Can anyone say that it was enough- not enough to assuage our own guilt, but enough to birth equity?  I don’t think so.

Do you?

I’ve often seen the words “Jesus: King of All” or “Gospel: Power to Transform” emblazoned on church banners in spangled letters. When I see these things I feel a kind of disquiet. Not because I doubt the Kingship of my savior or the transforming power of his gospel, but because the words seem to defy the reality of daily life. Jesus is king of All and yet we ignore his precepts without shame, the Gospel has the power to transform and yet we wither in stagnancy. Why is this?

Firstly I think it is a problem of the heart. Like with our earthly rulers, we want all of the benefits of citizenship without the costs of taxpaying and bother of elections. We want to have our cake without the expense of buying or the time invested in baking it. We feel, to put it simply, that Salvation really ought to be a free gift. And isn’t that what we were told?

We make our attendance in church little more than the hassle of making insurance payments. It ceases being about transformation and is instead replaced with the duty of maintaining something we feel we’ve already won: that being salvation.

I wonder how this looks to the outsider. Do they pity or despise us for our hypocrisy? Because, let’s be honest, that’s what it is.

Not that all hope is lost. I still believe those words, that the Gospel can transform and Jesus is King. The problem is that we forget what it means. We boil the Gospel down to a short story, the virgin gets pregnant, she has a son, time passes, he dies a brutal death, we can go to heaven now praise God, amen! But is that really the Gospel? Isn’t it also the story of God wooing mankind, of a Kingdom on earth, of us ourselves as Christ’s hands and feet? Isn’t it about an enduring hope that we can see love here on earth, that the poor can be fed and the victim uplifted, and aren’t we a part of that ongoing story? Isn’t part of the cost of being in God’s kingdom our own possessions and lives? Don’t we have to pay our dues, so to speak?

And if that is the gospel,if we are a part of it, doesn’t that mean something? Doesn’t that give you hope? Life? Light? Don’t you start to see every bad moment in life as an opportunity for God’s love to be demonstrated, and doesn’t it take your breath away that you can be the one to be God’s hands? I feel this sense of awe and honor every time I think about the fact that I am the one with the duty to show God’s love to the people around me, that I have won this privilege simply by being open to hearing God’s voice in my life.

And I’ve seen it, I’ve seen the poor fed and the weak made strong, I’ve seen it and I’ve felt it.

That makes it hard to have just another Sunday in the pews. It truly does.

I got this from Amber, who was tagged by Rebecca (the games creator). I thought this might be a fun one to do, even though I’m on vacation!

The rules are to list the blogs one visits regularly as well as a short note about why, and then list the recommendations of the person who tagged or in this case referred your own blog.  It’s a neat way to get to know the blog community your in.  I’m still relatively new to the WordPress community, so I won’t list that many blogs.  It won’t be all of the blogs I actually visit, not even remotely (I’ve got over a hundred people in my Vox neighborhood, so, nope, not going there).  What this WILL be is a list of my favorites in the WordPress realm.  Random order.

Amber:  Because every day she tells me something new, she makes me think, and she makes me grateful that in this wide world of blogging we somehow brushed up against each other.

Suddenly Christian:  Because it’s a fresh view on what Christianity is and who Christians are and who and what we should be.  I don’t always agree with everything John says, but I’m always grateful to have read him.

PolitiPorn:  Because, I must admit it, I’m addicted to politics in a way that sometimes feels smutty.  (Oh, and, they, like, totally publish my stuff from time to time.  :D)

Crossing the T:  Because Allyson is a woman of incredible strength.  She quotes some of the most inspiring and thoughtful people.  And if I ever pastor a church, I want her to speak there.

The Lesbian said What?:  One of the first people I bumped into on WordPress.  And sure, there are things that one might find a little… different… about this blog, like sensual picture days, but she posts some of the most beautiful thoughts, like unrefined diamonds, and she challenges stereotypes and preconceptions.

Musings of a Home Engineer:  Chocolate, tofu, knitting, scripture meditations, and some of the most bizarre search referral terms.  What’s not to love?

Thought Dream Guillotine:  theoceanisawake needs to post more.  Political and cultural ponderings.  Very good.  NOT OFTEN ENOUGH.

Okay, I probably forgot someone.  If you are a regular commenter on my blog and I left you off, I apologize.  If I am a regular commenter on YOURS and I left you off, give me a virtual slap.  There are more blogs I frequent in my sidebar, as I said these are just the WordPress ones.

And here are Amber’s referrals:

Brit in California – For unbelievable knowledge about US history, culture and and interesting perspective of everyday American life.

Ilegal – For funny, whimsical, intelligent posts with no rhyme nor reason to them

Ammonyte – For photography, his very dry wit, and the insanity of his sanity. He is also the PC guru network guy to which the rest of us peasants bow. A person to know!

Shush – for her amazing ability to bring Christianity into the modern world without hypocrisy, finger pointing, or bible bashing.  She makes it revelent to todays world by using old fashioned values and new street smarts.

Rebecca – for her art, poetry and wisdom in such a young person’s body

Patricia – For the empowerment she gives to others, her wit, charm, sarcasm and style. She is a true Domestic Goddess if there ever were one!

Thatdudeyouknow – for his deep understanding of the bible, his unwavering faith, his love of his family, and his pure child like quality that makes you laugh!

Sanityfound- for her amazing view of our troubled world, her understanding of what it truly is to be colorblind to people, and her absolute craziness.

Paperdreamer – this is our youth of tomorrow at its best. She gives me hope that the generations that are growing up aren’t all missing what is important in life.

Jak – Again another bright beautiful young woman just about ready to take our world by storm. I love reading her posts and views of the world. She is smart off the charts, and writes beautifully.

Psychscribe – for her wonderful insights into interpersonal relationships and to the soul.

I’ll be officially on vacation from the 16th to 28th.

Since new people come across this blog all the time, I’ll post links to a few of my favorite posts here to give everyone things to read.  That, and so people who are just starting to follow me can more easily get to the juicy bits of my archives.

Top ten posts of all time:

What if I were Gay?

God told me to write this post.

Homosexuality isn’t Bestiality.

The Church and Homosexuals

Gay Marriage

Have Good Sex.

Open Forum: What do you believe about Homosexuality

Unnatural Relations

Sex and Marriage

Indoctrination = Child Abuse?

Since most of my top posts are either tagged “sex” or “gay” (the two words that bounce the most people to this blog) but my blog itself is about more than sex and homosexuality, here are some of my personal favorite posts about other topics:

Sighted Faith

without love, NOTHING.

The Subjugation of Women in Religion

The Subjugation of Women in Religion (part two)

Speak Plainly.

Legislating Morality

Parenthood is not Cute.

Hormones. Oh, yes…

little boxes

Beijing Olympics come at a high price

That’s a fair mix of my most viewed posts, my most search-referred posts, my own personal favorite posts and posts I know that other people like.  Oh, and then there’s the Random Monday from several weeks back that started the sex-and-bacon-sandwich joke that sometimes confuses newcomers.

So, there you go!

And in the spirit of introduction, I’ll also talk a little about myself in this post.  I’m a stay at home mom of two small kids.  I’m editing a few novels I wrote myself and hope to publish someday, hopefully sooner than later.  I’m active in my home church and lead a few small groups.  My father was a pastor and thus a healthy respect for the scriptures is in my blood.

Other things you may be interested to know:  I make jewelry, I bake like a fiend, I’m addicted to chocolate and I haven’t meant a single person yet who God doesn’t passionately love.

Really.

Well, I’m off to pack for a very much needed vacation.  Take care, faithful readers.  Hug somebody.

“We shouldn’t run the church like a business,” The man said.

I found myself agreeing and disagreeing.  It’s true that we shouldn’t think in terms of dollars and cents, judging effectiveness by cards filled out and people sitting calmly in the pews when the service starts.  In that way, our churches aren’t businesses.  We are in the work of helping people, not lining our pockets and stroking our egos.  We shouldn’t have to make money to have church.  If a church can’t afford a building they can meet in a school or home or community center.  If they can’t afford to properly pay for a full staff they need to evaluate what the staff is there for.  If the mercy funds end up getting used on the pastors, some questions need to be asked.

No, church isn’t business.

But in the same vein, there’s a lot that churches can learn from how businesses are run.  Business is necessarily ruthless when it comes to trimming the fat.  People need to be qualified for positions, not just available.  A church secretary that gossips and files her nails is still thanked for her ministry (what ministry, really?) when a business secretary that ignored her duties to gossip would be fired.  So there are things to be learned there, certainly.

And then there’s a much, much bigger lesson.  That lesson is that you don’t make a product and then try to figure out how to convince people to buy it- not unless you want to lose money.  You find out what people want to buy, and you give it to them.  Sometimes church people get uncomfortable with hearing that ,because they say that we shouldn’t change Christ’s message just to fill pews.  I agree, wholeheartedly.  I also think that Christ’s message IS what people want.  The problem isn’t the message, the problem is the way we go about sharing it.  We shouldn’t be thinking in terms of filling pews,we should be thinking in terms of getting out in our communities and really helping people.  We shouldn’t think in terms of inviting people to the building to hear the message, we should go out into the world and invite people into our homes and lives.  We shouldn’t be dragging people back to home base so that the pastor can give them the gospel, WE should be giving them the gospel.  The problem with church is that the message never seems to impact our lifestyles and thus our culture.  People don’t know what they are buying because it’s not obvious what we are selling.  If we tell people that the Christian life will bring them vibrancy and hope we should be able to demonstrate that by showing them our own lives.

I think we know what the right product is, we’ve even got the right wording on the package, but the package is empty.

That needs to change.

***disclaimer- I will use a lot of actual language in this post, not #$%^, as the nature of this post is to address language frankly

Here is something that every Christian tradition treats differently: foul language.  There are some traditions in which even mild language such as “heck” or “crap” gets a raised eyebrow.  Others in which one might get away with calling someone a bitch but not saying “Dear Lord!” as an expletive.  There are several reasons for this discrepancy.  The first is that language itself is fluid.  Words and their meanings and their acceptance in society changes over time.  Women may have fainted in the past should a man have told them to “go to Hell!” and these days that language is crabbily used on cashiers that give the wrong change, only sometimes to raised eyebrows.  Even words that were utterly taboo ten years ago are more or less commonplace now.  Women no longer even seem to blush at being referred to as a bitch.  In fact, some wear it on their shirts in rhinestone letters.

So where does Christianity go with this cultural phenomenon?  Language being fluid, the only real way to judge what is truly foul language is by the intent of the speaker and the interpretation of the hearer.  That is, it’s foul if you mean it to be foul or if the hearer feels it is.  The second of those two things is why I myself rarely curse- I wouldn’t want someone to misinterpret my words, and it’s easier to be clear when using language that everyone interprets the same.

But what does the Bible say?  That’s where it gets a little trickier.  Matthew 5:22 says (paraphrased) that anyone who calls his brother a fool is in danger of Hellfire.  I would say that calling your sister a bitch is worse than calling your brother a fool, so that does indeed seem to be a caution against harsh language of any kind, foul or acceptable.  The Bible does caution us against the kind of language we use, like in James 3 where the tongue is compared to a rudder of a ship- a small thing with great power.  And we’ve all heard this proverb, said by Jesus himself in Luke 6:  “out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.”  These cautions seem to be against our intent when speaking, not the actual words we say.

So my words, whenever I am asked about what the Bible says about foul language, is to say, “the Bible doesn’t say anything about specific words, because they didn’t use the same language as us.  But the Bible does say a lot about the kind of people we are and what our hearts lead us to say.”

The point really isn’t the words, the point is the heart.  I myself rarely curse because I don’t want to offend people in my hearing.  If I don’t know what a fellow Christian believes about cursing I don’t do it.  If I’m in the company of non-Christians, I’ll wait to test the waters and watch myself.  If I know the company I’m in and I know they won’t be offended, I speak as I wish.  But even then I rarely curse.  When I do it’s to get people’s attention or for dramatic affect.  There’s one time I remember clearly, where I was talking to a young man in a youth group I was co-pastoring at the time.  He kept talking about how stupid he was and how he couldn’t seem to get any self-control and he thought everyone hated him, and on, and on, and on, so he got drunk the other night and-

I said, “just stop that fucking shit.”

He stopped talking, and started listening.

Did I use foul language?  That depends.  The words I used may have been unsavory, but I wasn’t trying to offend him, I was trying to cut him off.  I was trying to get him to listen.  And the words that followed weren’t cruel, they were about the kind of man I knew he could be, about how God saw him as a son and wanted him to be loved and to accept that love.  So was I being foul?  I don’t really think so.

It’s about intent and perception.  After all:

Proverbs 27:14
If a man loudly blesses his neighbor early in the morning, it will be taken as a curse.

1. Part of being an adult is learning to regret.  When I was a child, I didn’t regret.  I always felt justified by what I felt in the moment.  Now that I am an adult, I have learned that my feelings are not a justification.  So now, I learn to regret.
2. If I were to believe that people are inherently evil I would also have to believe that society is evil, and since society elects government and holds them accountable that would make government evil, and all of that would lead to me never wanting to leave the house.  I’m glad that I believe in the goodness of humanity.  It makes life easier to live.
3. Not all things are either one or the other, some are both or neither, and that is maddening.  It is maddening when I try to make a rational argument and have to find myself debating both points or none or introducing new arguments just to clarify.  I wish rational debate were as easy as saying, “zero is nothing,” when zero is something.  Damn it.
4. Let your yes be yes and your no be no.  And, when necessary, let your maybe be maybe.  Again: damn it.  Life can be hard sometimes, so whenever possible be clear and hold to your convictions.
5. Act as you wish others would act, treat others as you wish to be treated, and in all things hold to compassion as the highest ideal of mankind.  I have seen in my life, many times, that all of the love and good I sow around me is returned sevenfold.  Those who live a life exemplary of love as God’s highest calling are never left with empty hands.
6. Don’t be afraid.  Why should you be afraid?  Life is a transient thing, it comes and it goes, it waxes and wanes, there is pain and there is light.  Like swimming in the ocean, if you clench in fear you will be drowned.  If you surrender control, you will be buoyed.  So swing your arms wide, feel the saltwater at your back and the sun on your face.
7. Gratitude is a virtue- and a great one.  Those who are able to feel profound gratitude always seem to find things to be grateful for, and their life is full of the knowledge of blessings.  It’s a virtue I don’t always have but one that I pray for, because I want to be the kind of person who never lacks for a card to give or a note to leave or a phone call to make, just to say thank you.

Take some time this weekend to empty yourself, to sit in the sunshine and simply feel the vibrancy of the world around you.  Allow your thoughts to think themselves.

Be grateful.

It’s spring, time to air out the mattresses and the men, so to speak. 

The last few posts I’ve done have shown me something.  Whatever people believe, for whatever reason they believe it- when they feel it is threatened they also feel they must vocally defend it.  That can lead to endless cycles of fruitless arguments and hurt feelings.

In some ways, many of us are the same.  Regardless of whether or not we believe homosexuality is sin, we still believe in loving and serving our neighbors.

So I want to have an experiment.  I will ask a series of questions that ANYONE is welcome to answer in the comments, and expound on as they see fit.  I do not want there to be a single argument in this thread, so any comment that attacks the words of another will be immediately deleted.  Feel free to say things such as, “person X- could you clarify this statement” or “person Z, are there Bible verses to back that sentiment” but do not say, “person Y, I think you are wrong” or I’ll delete.

We can all live together peaceably.  We MUST learn to.

So here are the questions:

1. Do you believe homosexuality is a sin?  Can you clarify why/why not?
2. Do you know anyone who is(has been) in a same sex relationship?
3. Have you known anyone when they were first discovering or questioning homosexual feelings?
4. If you are the member of a church body, do you agree or disagree with the sentiments expressed towards homosexuals in your church?
5. If you are a Christian or follower of a particular faith- if someone came to you expressing interest in your faith but was unwilling to leave a homosexual relationship in order to do so, would you still offer to teach them?

Let’s really think about these things, and think about their implications.  I’m interested to see what you all believe, and why.